July...please go away

Jolene's birthday was the 25Th of this month. She would have been 26 this year. I find myself hating the month of July because it begins with the anniversary of her passing away, and ends with her birthday. I feel as though there is a Johnny rain cloud looming over me the entire month. Yet, July taunts me with its wonderful heat and beautiful splendor, all the while trying to hide the painful and poignant memories of my sister.
I have tried excessively hard this month to stay busy and hopeful, hopeful for healing in my heart. Unfortunately, I fear I have been pessimistic and extremely sad. It didn't seem to matter how hard I tried, I just wanted to hide and wait for this month to come to a close, in hopes that with its end, I could start afresh.
I know in time that July will probably be a happy and reflective month for me, but for now the wounds feel raw, and July only seems to add salt.

On Jolene's birthday this year I celebrated Madison's birthday during the day. It was a nice distraction, and it was fun to celebrate Maddie on Jolene's special day, since they always shared, and continue to share, a special bond.
Later that evening, we had a wedding to attend, and it was one of Jolene's good friends that was to be married. Catherine, Jolene's friend, had chosen that day specifically to honor Jolene. It was sweet of her, but so difficult for me. I sat there in the church that Catherine was married in, and looked around and saw so many of Jolene's friends. To some this might seem as though it would be a healing circumstance, but for me it was painful. I had to physically see Jo's friends who were all moving on with their lives, many were married, and some had children. It made me reflect on where my sister might have been if she were still alive, and see what she won't have in this earthly life.
Even though I KNOW where my sister is, and how wonderful and perfect it is, and that she will have the opportunity in the next life to have children, it is still hard to endure her loss in this mortal existence. I feel that many of my trials in this life will be, to look beyond what I feel and see now, and to have faith and strive for an eternal perspective. I do not want to become bitter from losing Jolene, I want to become better from it, and I know the only way to do so is through my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am not strong enough to endure this trial alone, and so I will do all that I can, and then turn the rest over to Him, I know he will make up the difference. I know that the Savior knows me by name, and that he will raise me up during the darkest hours. I am eternally grateful for this knowledge, but most importantlyI am grateful for Him.